1. "Don't you want to be married?" OR
2. "Don't you want to have children?" and the most classic question that never failed to make me bewildered and stunned is... (drum roll.......)
3. "Don't you want to be a 'COMPLETE WOMAN' by giving birth to children and calling them your own?"
And hei, we're talking about kids here who are like 15-16 years of age. Seriously I don't know which is more troubling though - the fact that I am not married or the fact that these kids are way too young to be thinking of marriage and having children in a country that is... shall I say expensive?
I told my friend simply that maybe I'm not yet married because I am a super pragmatic person. I mean seriously one really needs to be damn stable financially to be living a life and having a family in this country. Divorce rate is increasing last I heard and one reason stipulated was the lack of financial stability in young married couples. I wish I could believe in romantic love..fall in love with a man and get married like that and live happily ever after but the reality distorts that notion of romance.
Now I was so convinced that there is no element or tinge of romance in me until of course my dear friend pointed out that maybe...yes maybe, I am still single because deep inside I am a romantic person. Yes... a hopeless romantic person.
Perhaps there are some truths in her remark. You see to me marriage is more than just planning a wedding, choosing the best wedding gown that suits me, creating a list of names for the wedding invite...etc etc. It's however a matter of what happens after the wedding. What kind of life will it be? What next? Yes... WHAT NEXT? I guess I have some fears when on the issue of marriage. If marriage is just about 2 parties marrying, sharing a bed and living under 1 roof and having children, watch their children grow and break their hearts and slowly they will age and wait for death to come, then I'm scared of marriage... then I'm scared to even go through marriage as it means entering into that inevitable cycle. Look around, most married couples seem to have that same kind of life. However if life after marriage is an adventure, then that's something to look forward to. While many would splurge on weddings and go for a luxurious honeymoon at some lavish resorts or hotels, I would gladly settle for something ordinary for the wedding and take 1 month off on a backpacking adventure trip around the world with my new-found husband. Now THAT'S exciting because I can't predict what can happen and will happen.
To find the right man is also another issue for a hopeless romantic. In fact one American professor at my University once mentioned that there is no way that I will ever marry a man who is of the same race, religion and nationality as me. Let's evaluate the scenario: There are currently 2 kinds of men that exist around me: the conventional men and the dependent men. The conventional men are peculiar...really, completely beyond my understanding. For a woman, I'm independent, confident, strong-willed, feisty, have an opinion of my own (i.e. critical) and worse, I dare to voice my thoughts. These characteristics are unfortunately not seen as desirable for the conventional men. They would easily interpret me as stubborn, arrogant and a bra-burning feminist. They would instead prefer women to be "conventional women" - soft, submissive and flattering the men's ego. The dependent men are however slightly less creative and as such they lack initiative and imagination.
I wish not to have any of the above men as a life partner. I think the romantic instinct in me wants somebody witty whom I can have an exciting adventure with, yet also somebody reliable, one who takes initiative, cultured and most importantly, one whom I can depend on for comfort and to soothe my fears. And until I meet that person, I'm glad I'm single. Yes... I truly am both a hopeless pragmatist and a hopeless romantic.
