Strengthening to Recover

While I travelled a bit and realised some unthinkable dreams in the year 2009, age started to come down hard on me. Stress at work has made me aged more than I ever thought possible. Time passed by too quickly that almost often, I could hardly catch up. 

Indeed 2009 was the year in which running took on a back seat. Sure I was still running now and then, here and there, but it was more "off" than "on". It went from bad to worse as I finally admitted that my runs in 2009 lacked vigor, enery and zest. If running was once inspirational, a way to de-stress, to reflect, to recover from setbacks in life, to dream big dreams for the future, later it however became completely uninspiring. And it became evident especially in the beginning of the year 2010 when a sharp setback in life made me turn again to running as a form of comfort but only to realise that I have grown weaker. An activity that once gave me so much comfort, and security, a pillar of strength, suddenly played an insidious joke on me as it became the very thing that made me extremely insecure and self-conscious. 

Nah, I have not recovered from the sharp setback which I experienced in the beginning of the year. The "no-confident" and uninspiring runs thus far meant that I have more or less lost a pillar of comfort and consolation for spiritual recovery. I have since withdrawn myself from outdoor running although I really and truly missed meeting the regular runners,  exchanging the big smile and waving the big "Hi" during our regular running encouters. I have yet to run for any major race this year. I still fear another disaster which could dampen my spirit even more. And while I am now in my "hibernation" mode, I instead enrolled myself in a fitness gym with a personal trainer to see me through and attending yogasana and pilate classes - indeed attempts on my part to build my physical strength as well as my mental strength. It has been about 2 months since the hibernation-cum-strengthening period. Today I feel good. I feel stronger. But I don't know if I really am stronger and better - both physically and mentally. 

This coming Friday will be my first test as I run my first 2.4km outdoor. For the first time in months, I'm coming out of my "hibernation" mode. Now the thing is I don't have to run this Friday. I could walk if I want to - just like how most of the other male and female colleagues merely walk. In fact I could be the only female or if not, just one of the other 2 or 3 femalesat my workplace  who will be running. I am tempted to give in and just not run - and not to be tested. But then again that does not do God any justice, righty? God blessed me with 2 able legs - perhaps not the most fantastic legs I agree - but definitely still 2 legs capable of not just walking but running too. I feel obliged to run and hence, I shall be tested this Friday. Wish me luck.